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roddicklover1284
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Name: Kristen
Gender: Female
Interests: sports (tennis, ping pong, football, golf), texas hold 'em, euchre, endless hours of video games, scrapbooking, shopping, singing, and dancing around my dorm room
Expertise: Business
Occupation: College Student
Industry: Does Victoria's Secret count?
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  roddicklover1284
Member Since:
11/14/2006
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| so, i'm really excited because i am the new usrh treasurer! i finally feel like i belong to something. but now i'm kinda bored in my office hour, as that i now serve five of them a week  . but surfing the web is always fun, i know that i'll have plenty of things to work on starting tomorrow, but at the moment, what is there to do? other than hanging out alone, oh well, its still really cool. yep, i'm not really sure what i'm writing but hey its something to do. he he he | | |
| ....and i finally say i'm sorry for acting that way didn't really mean to ... i was so tired when i got back to school today, i just laid there for a while, after eating yummy reeve food i've decided that maybe i'm starting to be able to eat without getting sick, but then again after a late new year's eve out with some cool friends (the ones that didn't ditch me) i woke up with a nasty cold this morning. i hope those of you that spent time with me recently don't get sick, if you do i'm very sorry! ...i'm on the brink, i can barely think, with all of these thoughts running through my head, wondering if... everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it takes a while to understand the meaning behind events. ...i can't hide what i feel inside....even if i wanted to.... i've been tossing and turning, trying to sleep since 11, but its not possible; not with all of these thoughts running through my head. but i can't express them because i'm unsure of what they mean, unsure of where they've come from and where they will take me. all i know is that at the moment my brain is a padded room and my thoughts are in straight jackets bouncing off the walls. i've given up on sleep at this point; i have a meeting at 8 am with the USRH e-board, hopefully it'll go well (i really want to be treasurer). maybe then i could get some sleep.at least my class isn't until 1 pm. i'll have plenty of time to take a nap after breakfast (yummy ham and cheese omelets, i can't wait) ...Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know...... i love music, at least it can temporarily stop the buzzing thoughts in my brain. although songs bring back memories, memories bring back more thoughts, and thoughts begin to clog my brain, leaving me tossing and turning in my bed, finding it impossible to sleep even though i'm completely exhausted. i wish you were here to hug me and sing me to sleep or maybe talk to me until i can finally drift into a sleepy daze. but for now i'll have to settle with playing songs that remind me of you and comforting memories in hopes that i can finally relax. its 3:44, i have to be up in 4 hours. in the mean time, i guess i'll just try to lay down again, maybe having cleared a few of the thoughts from my overworked brain. hopefully i can find a movie that will help me drift away. goodnight, i'm sure you're already asleep, but i'm wishing you sweet dreams and hopes of a great day when you awake.  | | |
| the seasons have changed, the once warm weather has turned cold, the bright sun is hiding behind clouds of darkness, the temperature changes daily, its becoming slightly cooler every day, making it difficult to enjoy yourself outside, even short walks are becoming a hasstle, after bundling up you adventure into the unknown, never quite ready for the changes since yesterday, but why are these changes so crucial? it seams that you will never know, the weather just does that to you. along with the loss of warmth goes the sound of laughter and the bright smiles of summer, all outside life comes to an end, the changes bringing emense sadness, but is it really the weather that causes all these things to change or is it really us blaming something other than ourselves for our actions? all i know is that as the days grow colder my happiness disappears like the warmth of the earth. each day brings a new sadness and more despair, causing me to separate myself from those who are close so that maybe they won't see the suffering that increases daily with the coldness of the outside world. these daily struggles make it harder to get out of bed the next day, harder to see smiling faces when yours keeps filling up with tears for no apparent reason. you wonder why these things are happening to you, but have no answer for your slippery slope of sadness. you just try to hide it so that maybe you won't have to deal with the real problems, which you are unsure of. its so confusing, you're sad at an increasing rate with each passing of the moon, but you don't know why; it just creeps up on you like a misquito that keeps biting at your skin, to drink your precious blood, but its not really your blood, its your existance that disappears with each bite. maybe if you try to swat it, it will go away, but the truth is that it will keep coming back until you have killed it. | | |
| ok so here's the deal, i'm crazy. i haven't had any time to myself lately, i'm always too busy just to relax. so i should probably do that, but i have to study. sometimes i just don't understand myself and my need to study so much, its like my expectations for myself are too high because i know that if i work my ass off that i can achieve these goals, but what happens if i'm just short of these expectations because i'm taking on way too much. like now, i feel so overwhelmed with stuff that i just can't focus on the task at hand; there's so many tasks to choose from, each of great importance. i have this spanish test tomorrow, that i just can't seem to remember the vocab words for, and i don't know how to do the gramatical stuff, its just not good, but i'm too stuck on my high horse to ask anybody for help. why do i do this to myself? i just keep to myself and act composed when the world around me is crumbling to bits and pieces. but its easier to act calm and collected then act like there's actually something that's not perfect in my life. i've always tried to hide my frustrations and my feelings, but i can't do it anymore, so this blog is now going to be my almost daily rants about life and the fact that i'm not perfect. my journey through college is in its second year of confusingness. and the confusingness just keeps increasing every day, every time i talk to different people i realize different things about my life. i realize how i can improve it, and things that i can't believe that i've done/am doing. its crazy when i think about it. there's so many things that i wish i could change, i'd be a completely different person, better/worse? well, that's enough thought for now, i need to attempt to study so that i don't let down my high standards for myself. | | |
| so, hey, hi to all. i totally just found another way to procrastinate, but hey its something that i've been needing to do, procrastinate, yay. so i'm now just realizing that i'm slightly insane, but what the hey, it happens. so now i've at least written something, i'll get back to this later, when i'm wanting to procrastinate some more, but for now i'm going to watch tv! | | |
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